Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
