Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
