if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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