Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
