I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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