This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pants are for mortals
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
