Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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