when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
