I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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