I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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