How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
