You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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