I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
