I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
