dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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