im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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