I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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