Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
