singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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