A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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