I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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