my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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