when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
