the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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