I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
