I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize