im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
