Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize