this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
