Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
