We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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