Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need to calm my uterus...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
