My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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