I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
