Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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