Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
