you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
