Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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