i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
