so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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