How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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