Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
