I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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