If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
