I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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