I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
