So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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