just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
