yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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