Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
