I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
