**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
