Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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