Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
