apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
