I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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