i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
