walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
