I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
