I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize