it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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