i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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