i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
