Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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