Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
