They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
