Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
