CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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