My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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