That's intense
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
