i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
