remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
